Dear Friends & Neighbors,

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During recent years, we’ve seen quite a few of our friends ended up in divorce court.  Modern day marriage or relationship  is not easy. Couples are facing challenges of dealing with jobs, raising children, financing life, dealing with health problems, and facing societal changes and expectations, without the support of extended families in most cases. It is tough on both men and women. So, any one who wants a rock solid marriage (or relationship) for the long haul would need to gather wisdom and advice from those who have overcome these obstacles. After surfing through the web in gathering wisdom/tips, hubby and I can attest to many of the pointers below having worked in our 35 years of marital life together.

1.  Say “I love you” to one another every day
2. Give each other a hug and/or kiss every day
3. Make a written and recorded commitment that divorce is not an option
4. Always try to remember what drew the two of you together in the first place
5. Do not withhold sex unless it is a mutual consent or special circumstances
6. At least one date night per week and make it special
7. Become each other’s best friend
8. Do not let any one else become involved with your marital affairs, including parents, in-laws, and friends
9. Put your children first, then your marriage, then your extended family, then others, in that order
10. Set boundaries and let each other know what you can and cannot do
11. Be free from pride and ego. Do not try to have the last words in an argument. The winner of the argument is often the loser
12. Learn to let go and avoid “tit for tat”
13. Never go to bed angry. Resolve issues quickly
14. Be surrounded by other happily married/together couples, so it will remind you what’s good about relationships
15. Live a healthy lifestyle
16. Avoid keeping any bank accounts hidden from one another
17. Don’t lie to each other
18. Do not entertain any relationship with ex-spouses or ex-boyfriends/girlfriends from the past. If children are involved, the relationship should be limited to them
19. Invest in your marriage-spend some serious time together either in the form of retreat or vacation once or twice per year
20. Remember your promise to your spouse at the alter-for better or worse, in sickness and in health
21. Be ready to make many sacrifices and/or many compromises
22. Listen to one another
23. Try to solve problems or issues when you’re both calm
24. Instead of trying to be right, always look for the solution that would optimize both perspectives and bring peace
25. Avoid sarcasm because it never leads to peace or solution
26. Be ready to apologize if you have contributed to the problem and be ready to forgive when the situation arises
27. Fight for your marriage
28. Be appreciative of the fact that you need each other’s love and support
29. Be surrounded by people who will encourage and uplift you both
30. Help each other with household chores
31. Encourage and praise/compliment each other
32. Compliment each other’s strengths and weaknesses
33. Support each other’s goals and dreams, regardless which seems more ambitious
34. Consult one another when making any big decisions
35. Grass is greener where you water it
36. Don’t compare your marriage to some one else’s because you don’t know what is going on behind the scene
37. Deal with issues in private and avoid embarrassing your spouse/partner in public
38. Do not verbally or physically abuse your spouse/partner
39. Avoid bringing up past arguments just to win a current one
40. You need to  be each other’s rock: your spouse/partner need to realize that you can be trusted and feel secure around you
41. Gather information on how to become better spouse/partner
42. We all have different ways of expressing our affections, so learn the  signs with which your spouse/partner expresses his/her love
43. Avoid letting your children seeing you arguing
44. Surprise your spouse/partner with gifts even when it is not for birthdays, holidays, or anniversary
45. Don’t always  try to get your way or have the last words, but try to find the optimal solution for  you both
46. It is healthy to spend some of your time with friends, as long as your friends respect your marriage and commitment you took…..
47. Never cheat
48. Stay fit  and healthy for yourself as well as for your spouse/partner
49. Always listen to each other and avoid keeping each other in the dark about things
50. Never badmouth your spouse/partner to any one else.
51. Keep your love life private
52. Do not allow your single girlfriends or guy friends to do anything to compromise your marriage
53. Be open to new things and help your spouse/partner to open to new things that would be healthy for him/her
54. Communicate directly and avoid expecting him/her to read your mind
55. Say what you mean and mean what you say
56. Love, respect, loyalty, and faithfulness should all be given to one another
57. Do not feel compelled to compete with one another but to cooperate and collaborate with one another as best friends
58. Do not look upon marriage as an obligation but as a chance to evolve into a being who is able to love another unconditionally
59. You cannot change your spouse, but you can change how you love him/her and how you react to him/her
60. The objective should be: Your spouse/partner would become a better person as a result of being with you, not via control but via love
61. Focus on each other’s strengths rather than weaknesses
62. Work as a team
63. Ask your spouse/partner if there are any unmet needs
64. Take showers/baths together from time to time
65. Make each other laugh and find/notice simple pleasures of life
66. Leave each other love notes around the house/apartment from time to time by surprise
67. Look into each other’s eyes for at least 30 seconds each day
68. Touch each other’s face and give thanks to each other for the good and bad times together

Now, for some tips from these professionals in relationship, below:

 

 

Please keep in mind that it is important for the two of you involved to define what you want in your relationship, rather than let it be defined by your parents, relatives, or friends. Focusing on the positives of your relationship rather than the negatives. Finally, communication and love would help to prevent or overcome many difficulties. Your marriage or relationship is the component that will be building the family structure. Family structure is the backbone of any human society.  I wish you much success in building your relationship, marriage, or family, for it will ultimately help to determine how strong and healthy our society will be.

Hope these tips helped. My best to you and yours.

Any comments, suggestions, concerns regarding this post will be welcomed at [email protected]

Photographed, written, and posted by Windermere Sun-Susan Sun Nunamaker
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